ive realized that this xanga isnt really read by anyone anymore, but im going to keep updating it. i feel like i need it for myself. lame? maybe it is. whoever isnt reading can deal with it. i am so excited for, but really dreading tomorrow night. the aces are having our "last supper" (yes, we know its sac-religious), and i tear up everytime i think about it. it's gonna be the last time we're all together. those 8 girls are some of the greatest people ive ever met and ive spent pretty much every second of the last four years with them. we've laughed so much its unbelievable. we've been through hell together and cried with each other. we've been there for each other and betrayed each other, we've let each other down and forgiven each other. we've been through breakups, deaths, and so many mistakes, but we've also experienced some of the greatest moments of our lives together. the aces taught me how to enjoy life, how to laugh, how important it is to go to the lake often, to never grow up, to be immature, and they've shown me what it really means to be a friend. they all mean so much to me and i cant imagine not having them around. 
ive been afraid of a lot of things lately. im afraid that certain things wont work out and that im just wasting my time and being naive. im afraid that certain things will never happen and i cant do anything about it. im afraid that i wont ever be someone that i want to be. im afraid my life is headed in the wrong direction. im afraid of screwing up. im afraid of standards. im afraid of people's opinions and impressions. but everytime i catch myself thinking this, i feel like Jesus is telling me.. allison, your fear is nailed to the cross and covered in my blood. "the one thing we absolutely owe to God is to never be afraid of anything." 'do not fear, for i am with you." shouldnt that be enough? shouldnt Christ crucified and risen be enough to keep me from my fear? shouldnt Gods promise to me be enough to take away my doubt? it should be, i just need to let it be. i ignore God a lot. and when i say a lot, i mean it. but ive been realizing more and more that He has everything i need, it's just up to me to accept it and live in it. whats the verse in proverbs? the sluggard buries his hand in the dish but he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth. i have everything i need in front of me, i just need to use it. i want to go overseas really bad. im loving the piano and so excited about maybe buying a telecaster! i love the office, "RYAN STARTED THE FIIIIYYYAAAA!" i may be playing basketball next year, but that is subject to change at any moment. its just a thought for now. i need to get in shape first. everything i ever need to know, i learned at the punk rawk show, the punks should know. | 
